Killian's Blog/Website/Whatever

An easy, few-hour plan to distract yourself from greater world events: 1. Spend over an hour on public transportation to get a blood test 2. Stand in line for the lab test for 15 minutes 3. Go outside before you sign in because there's a fire drill (in a hospital building) 4. Get a latte at a nearby coffee shop to get out of the wind while you wait for the fire drill to end 5. Don't drink your latte, because you want to be warm inside and you can't take your mask off 6. Fire drill over, stand in line again 7. Wait 8. Relinquish some body juice 9. Slam latte before it gets cold 10. Take another 1.5 hours of buses back home 11. Get a little grumpy at the amount of pointless construction in your neighborhood 11. Worry about test results 12. Get test results 13. Be thankful that the results look great, because you don't have a dysfunctional organ 14. Feel a wee bit frustrated, though, because you still don't know what your body is doing 15. Eat a bagel Congratulations! ...

1. I wish I loved baseball. Some people get a lot out of baseball. 2.  It is, by all accounts, a beautiful day today. Cloudless sky, ~66°F, my ideal nice day (t-shirts! light sweatshirts in the shade! no overheating!). Flan happened to need more dry food, so I walked to the pet store. I took a new route, going up an additional few blocks before turning to the side. It felt very strange. The farther you get from the main road/the closer you get to the river, the houses, block-to-block, get nicer. Sure, that's nothing new. I grew up on a dividing line street, and I live on one now. But the street I ended up walking down today didn't used to be quite so fancy, I think. I suppose I temporarily forgot that everything is fancier these days. I've been back for six years, but there are still pockets of childhood places that I haven't seen for a decade, which I've preserved in my memory as being A Certain Way. It was unsettling. I took my usual route home.  I'm a bit di...

"4:28 PM"   A SCREENPLAY INTERIOR: Scene opens on woman checking email in her home office She clicks on the email from sender "MyChart" We look at the screen:  "Hello, you have a new statement-- Amount due: $302.71" Zoom out to view woman from front, laptop in front of her, typing quickly. WOMAN: This can't be right. Back to looking at her screen. On MyChart login page. She clicks "login", then scrolls to "Billing." We see an itemized bill revealing that her insurance only covered 1/2 of her blood tests, despite being an in-network provider. View changes to lawn OUTSIDE We see a laptop crashing through a fifth floor window, sailing through the air like a beautiful bird. It explodes before hitting the ground.  

I had a dream--after I finally fell asleep at 7am--that I started blogging again. It was a very unremarkable dream, but, given the typically stressful nature of my subconscious, it seemed very low-risk to follow through on it (today, anyway). Thoughts/considerations: -owls -comics -writing -my self worth -what is the strange brown stain on the edge of my newly-patched piece of wall (rust from some metal bits under there?) -I should probably go for a walk, but I'm already wearing pj pants -taking a nap will not help me sleep tonight -someone mentioned pot pie, and now I would really like a pot pie -math is less like baking and more like making sauce -I hope I'm not cursed with bad sleep for the rest of my life -I hope I'm not allergic to this lotion, but it sure looks like I am -puppies comic/feb. 8, 2022

Yeah, all my stuff is self-archived right now. Not deleted, though! Waiting for the right time to figure out what to do next/who the heck I am these days. Am I a person who blogs? Am I a person who never makes a new personal website? AM I OLD NOW? One thing I do know is that I'm real good at naps, and I think we all know what that means.

1. There was a finch panicking in my bedroom. I helped it out of my window. It flew to the ground and became a fox wearing a bird skin. This seems symbolic. Animals are hella symbolic. Could be some sort of spirit thing? Hm. I should contact Jung through my Ouija board, which is a medium known for very intelligible answers. Although Daniel discourages me from using my Ouija board because I am super scared of the Devil and/or Zozo (Even Bustle has a post on Zozo ). Still tempted to do it, though. I own this painting of a woman that I'm about 65% sure is haunted, and I want to ask her if she needs me to resolve her unfinished business. I would also like to ask her name, but in the meantime I'm going to call her something fancy and sad, like Eleanor or Beatrice. 2. There was a wounded bobcat, and no one would help me fix its broken paw. But it let me hold it like a baby and it didn't try to bite me or jump out of my arms, so that made me feel nice even though I was sad. BIBL...

1. About a year ago, now, I developed a wildly new sleep disorder. I didn't know it at the time. I thought it was jet lag. Even if it wasn't the adjustment from GMT to PST, this wasn't the first time I'd needed to sleep a lot: as a veteran depression-haver, my life has been a near-constant vacillation between three-ish week stints of insomnia, then hypersomnia, then insomnia, repeat. So I wasn't worried about it. This, too, shall pass, I thought. Only, it didn't. I went a whole year of needing twelve to fourteen hours of sleep per day. Doctors were unhelpful, tests were unhelpful, and insurance in the US (which has never been "good") is particularly unhelpful when you are suffering from a chronic mystery condition. If it doesn't seem like it will kill you outright, then you can either shell out your life savings to be shuffled around hopelessly, or you can give up and learn to deal with it. It was a difficult year. The official diagnosis was I...