Killian's Blog/Website/Whatever

I really enjoy podcasting. I want to make my podcast better. You can help me out with this! Loading... Daniel and I are hoping to use this to make our podcast better! We don't care about making money off of it (as you can tell--it's 100% free and in the public domain), but we really want it to be enjoyable. Thanks for taking a few minutes to fill out the form and tell us why you like your favourite podcasts! And if you're interested in checking out Audiodidact by the Apiary*, here's the link to our tumblr. Our most recent episode, "Bad Media" is about why Gone Girl is a book better left unread.

Today I struggled over an internal (and external--thank you, Twitter, for existing) debate to change my "personal branding." Never did I think this would be an issue for me, but here we are. I do social media and brand management for a few people/organizations, and I've started to worry that people might conflate me and my opinions and my personal work and my self with the work I do for others. So I was thinking about changing my Twitter handle, and associating my Name with a more Refined and Professional Appearance. But that was lame of me. Here's why: 1. I don't plan on being a brand manager when I grow up. I am a writer and artist, first and foremost. Those don't pay the bills right now, but they are who I am, and I want people who follow me on social media to have a personal relationship with me. Me me. Not some fake version of me that never says "poop." I say poop literally every day in real life. 2. I never say anything mean on s...

Photoblog time. Ireland and good friends make for the best time.

Trying to evaluate fear, and why certain things are scary to a person while others aren't. For me, it's not a fear of death, I know that much. I was on a boat this week--a small ferry heading to the Aran Islands--and the wind was nasty, and the waves were huge, and the boat was alternately flying through and crashing into the water, and everyone directly around me was either silent or vomiting (or, in the case of one poor little girl who was not pleased with her parents' choice of adventure, screaming and weeping), but I wasn't that afraid. Got a little queezy around minute 40 of rolling side-to-side, but I was still in a peachy mood after we got off the boat. When we first started pitching, it felt wild, just like the drop in a roller coaster, my stomach still floating at Point A while my body had relocated to Point B. But then I began to evaluate the situation: why wasn't I scared? People around me were freaking out. The crew wasn't, but I doubt I would have...

Daniel and I are about to head out (tomorrow afternoon) on our second real vacation ever. Much like last year's trip * to Scotland, we will be embarking upon a journey to...Ireland! Perks of living in the UK are their proximity to other European countries. We've been to Dublin briefly, for a whirlwind weekend adventure with some friends (also last year), but never got too deep into the countryside. This time we'll be chilling with our friend Rob in Cork and Galway, and we'll have a car, and I won't be panicking about a thesis and planning a wedding or whatever. Probably the biggest deal is that I have made a solemn vow to not check work email. This is a vacation. I need it to be a vacation. I owe it to myself, to Daniel, to my coworkers, and to all of the friends I can barely keep in touch with. I am, in fact, leaving my computer at home. (I'm keeping my phone, though, because sometimes you need to Instagram a sheep.) I had to write all of this down as a...

Hello, September. Let's recap, like, the whole summer : 1. Graduated! I'm a Master, no big. (But you guys knew that.) 2. Got a job! I work for a not-for-profit organization that offers homeschooling and distance learning courses. Everyone who works there is amazing. If you've ever considered homeschooling (or returning to school as a ma ture student) and would like course material AND a tutor who emails with you all the time, I wholeheartedly recommend this place (we'll have our new website up soon. It will be totally hot). Also, follow us on Twitter , Instagram , Facebook , Pinterest , whatever, everywhere. Everywhere! 3. Adjusted my antidepressants! Thank jeezus. I can tell I need to readjust when I basically sound like Rust Cohle every time I open my mouth. Hashtag nihilism. 4. Decided I was going to dress like an adult! I gave away half my clothes and am only buying affordable versions of things that Robin Wright (a la Claire Underwood) or ...

*~Hey internet~* I know there are a few people--especially advisors of mine--who wished they could have seen my grad presentation. Well, just so happens that my buddy Hillary was able to record video of my graduate presentation while I recorded the audio from the podium. Since I'm home, I married the two and added in my slides. I'm also going to post a PDF of the transcript if you'd rather read through it on your own. The only thing I'll add is that the presentation could only be about 15 minutes long, and I wish I could do a full lecture on the material, but my classmates would have hated me (seriously, I got some feedback that said I didn't talk enough about my personal life. Some people don't like that academic stuff as much as I do. I am a special flower, even--especially?--among my fellow artistes). *note: I know the Hide Behind is a "fearsome critter" all its own, guys. Relax! I'm cool. Just roll with the visual punch.  ___ ...

new podcast! I did this one with Maisha Z Johnson (you may recognize her name from the Blog Hop I did a month or so ago ) while I was at residency. If I sound funny, it's because I am trying to sound cool, because Maisha is really cool. (And maybe sleep deprivation is playing a part? Residency is like summer camp with drinking: late nights, early mornings, lots of socializing.) Here's some of the stuff we talk about:  Octavia Butler’s  Bloodchild and Other Stories ; science fiction writing and women and people of color; what’s meaningful vs. what’s marketable in writing (and art in general); supporting yourself as an emerging writer; book cover art; kickstarter? non-profit status?; supporting POC, LGBTQ, and low-income writers; writing with LGBTQ survivors of violence (writing and art as healing); also plants are hard to keep alive. Audiodidact is already five episodes old! Don't forget to follow us on Tumblr or Twitter or RSS, or just by checking in regularly. Daniel...

Being done with school is weird, man. Has it even hit me, yet? I don't think so. This is me. This is me after presenting, after defending, after walking. I'm wearing a hood. I officially have a Master's degree. It's nice. I feel refreshed (sometimes you really do need to set things aside for a month before you know how to fix them) and have a renewed sense of purpose. My work feels interesting again, and even important. That's why residency is great--people you admire give you hugs (literally and metaphorically) and tell you that they believe in you, and then you realize that you don't suck as much as you think you do. I stocked up on books while I was in the states. These are the books, in case you (like me) get a vicarious thrill from stalking the bookshelves of people with good taste. I only wish there had been more time for me to buy comics. I read the first Lumberjanes on ComiXology, but I want  m o r e. In case you are wondering, Chandler...

When Maisha Johnson asked me to participate in this Blog Hop, my heart leapt. Maisha is one of those friends you absolutely look up to, a human reason to do better because she has such killer taste in...everything. Poetry/Lit, social causes, the internet, friends--she rocks it everywhere it counts. I encourage you to click on her name up in that first sentence and to read her Blog Hop entry, as well as her archives. Thanks, Maisha!  My friend Moye Ishimoto did one, too! And I'm passing the torch along to Kate Sheeran Swed next, so keep an eye on her blog next week. Ok, so: What am I working on? I am working on a novel. It has female protagonists. It deals with sex and religion and race, and takes place in Portland, Oregon, because that's where I grew up. The Portland I know is pretty different from what it is now. I grew up on NoPo, and I wish that I could go back, that I could live in the place where I grew up, but I know I can't because it doesn't exist anymor...

Podcasting! Two episodes deep, and already improving. The newest one is about 45 minutes. Daniel and I talk about comics and serial fiction. To follow Audiodidact on Tumblr: http://apiarymonastery.tumblr.com/

So, Rivet  (run by Red Bridge Press ) just came out with their first issue, and I've got a story in there! I'm proud of this one. It's a little bit literary, a little bit sci-fi (ok, a lot of both, really). I'd love for you to read it and to love it. Canis Lupus Astra For the whole issue, click here . There are only twelve people featured, and the work in it is varied! Plus, a nice gender balance, which is always good to see in a journal.

One of my friends told me, back in our undergrad days, that I seemed to experience senioritis every single term (he also said I held a world record in existential crises. Both of his observations: likely true). Grad school has been different. There have been the tough weeks, the substantial relief come semester's end, self-doubt in droves, but none of the absolutely brain-damaging burn-out. Until, of course, now. It seems appropriate enough--I am, after all, in the final final final stretch of my MFA. Still sucks, though. It feels like a full-body mania. I'm jumpy and restless way down in my bones, and I'm also totally exhausted. I feel bored with my work at the same time that I feel obsessed with it. I feel like a mountain lion living in the body of a mouse: energy, furious energy everywhere, and the lack of ability to really do anything with it. I feel isolated, and I can't tell if it's just physical distance and convenience causing the problem (all of my Oxfr...

My brother and I are 5000 miles apart, but we're chillin' on Skype. He's playing Dark Souls II and I'm checking my email, and every once in a while we chat and I watch him fight a boss. We're just occupying the same little pocket of spacetime. It makes me happy.

An hour ago, I almost posted a (jokingly*) bitter statement on Twitter about my resentment of peers who have more than 35 pages of their thesis written. Not done, but written. Well, done, too. I have 32 pages written. Every term, I have re-written the novel that is now my thesis project. Every time, I end the semester with about 70 pages of work--so I know I am technically capable of doing it. It helps that I am the kind of person who does not miss deadlines. However, I am also a person who writes very slowly, and who started over again during her thesis semester, changing the setting of the story from town to city, and changing the POV characters from one woman and three men to three women (two WOC) and (currently) no men. So, big changes. Good changes. Heck, probably GREAT changes. But I'm still about 40 pages short of a thesis that is due, in its revised entirety, in two months. So, yeah, I was going to swear at my friends who are basically done. As everybody wh...

Since I started grad school, I sort of imagined I was doing something wrong. It was hard, but it wasn't as nightmarish as my peers described. Yeah, deadlines always got me antsy and angsty, but I met them, and I moved on. I improved with every packet--and by leaps and bounds with each passing term--but felt like I was getting to be pretty good! Surely, with how much I already have done, my thesis will be a snap! I will be praised endlessly by my advisor, but the praise will not be empty, it will be well-earned!  I actually said this to my advisor before the term started: "I want you to be tough. I can take it. I want to be great, so don't pull any punches." HA. Haha. Now that I am DOING MY THESIS, I realize that I am a big ol' fool. I feel the pain of every thesis student who has come before me. I feel the sting of my own words. I got my first packet back from my advisor. And the whole time I was reading the feedback, I was thinking: "Daaaaa...