who the heck knows anything, anyway

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

grumpypants mcgee

Guys. I'm totally losing it. This living-in-limbo thing is so distracting that I can't focus on any task (except, you know, stupid things like dishes) for more than one minute. Facebook is boring and no one ever updates, AND YET: I have checked it--and Twitter--like 10,000,000,000,000 times today. I opened about 7 tabs of letting agencies/craigslist equivalents and then looked at flats for about three hours. I have already looked at all of these flats. I have looked at some of them about 5 days in a row. I can't stop. My mouse moves of its own will!--just clickin' on stuff, showin' me homes we can't have. It's insane behavior, much like when we decided it was time to get a cat and I spent 3 solid weeks scouring Petfinder.

Obviously, it's going to work out. We'll find a place. It'll be nice--or, at the very least,  inhabitable. It'll have things like "windows" and a "bathroom". It'll likely be near the City Centre* and Daniel's work, in close proximity to Pieminister (aka my real new home), and within walking distance to absolutely everything. We'll have our cat, we'll have our favourite** mugs, and we'll have the thrill of getting to know a new city. However, much in the way I could not pry my eyes from Petfinder this past January, I will similarly remain plagued by anxiety and doubt until the day we have a place on lock-down. I've been trying to get excited about the move, but I can't. I'm not upset about it, either; I just know that I need to start mentally moving before we physically move, and I can't mentally move if I don't have the promise of a place to live. I need a floorplan, or a few pictures, or even a weak description and a little pinpoint on a map--anything--a little piece of something that can become a focal point. From there, I can start dealing with the issues I have heretofore acknowledged that I will feel but have not yet actually processed: like leaving my family, riding in lots of airplanes, and you know what this list is really long so let's not get into it.

Also, I think my Nexus 1 is dying, and that is terrible. I don't want to get a new phone. That's way too much change for me, man. WAY TOO MUCH.

Oh, yeah, Residency is next week. NO BIG DEAL.

It's cool, though. I'm gonna go nurse a mug of sleepytime tea, read more White Teeth, and ignore my feelings some more. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, guys. It's super effective!****

*that's how it's spelled, because we're moving to Classyville**
**although this same country, which possesses such lovely words as "colour" and "favourite", also has towns named things like Crumps Butts and Crotch Crescent. SO CLASSY.
***it does help loads that we've been there before. 
****until it isn't anymore and you word-vomit all over your blog with long-suppressed feelings