Killian's Blog/Website/Whatever

Updates on life, in convenient list form: 1. Operation Social Time was a success! I actually ran into someone at Life Drawing who I'd met at a party about a month ago. And she's awesome (obviously--I mean, we ran into each other at a community center life drawing night). Success! After I came home that night, I put on my pjs and battled the usual feelings of embarrassment (because I am always so dang convinced I've said a million stupid things) and then passed thoroughly out. 2. Went to some new pubs. Found a little one downtown that I'll probably frequent, and spent some time in the sunshine drinking ginger beer on the front lawn of another that's right by Port Meadow. 3. Sunshine is great. Glad we had like two days of it before winter decided to return. Back to getting vitamin D in pill form... 4. My new favorite place is the small Polish grocery store in the little outdoor shopping center by my house. They've been open for about two weeks, and I've be...

Everyone experiences feelings they do not like: jealousy, guilt, etc. Well, perhaps some people do like to feel these things, but then I assume the feeling they dislike is calm. I am currently experiencing feelings of resentment. Though my logical brain feels otherwise, my emotional responses to anyone in my field who I perceive to be successful (or even "more successful than me") are extremely bitter this afternoon. I am not envious of their money or their accolades or their fans; I am envious of the fact that they seem able to get their shit done. I am an occasional procrastinator, but I have been fighting those old urges, and I've been fairly successful. I work every day. I think about my work in the quiet moments before dinner, before bed, while I'm eating my lunch. And yet. I've tried to lower my standards, to just get shit out on the page, but even then--I typically get one or two days of real writing, unencumbered, absolutely flowing, two days of it. And w...

I want to make friends in this city. I've been here for 3 months, almost to the day, and I've been playing it pretty safe thus far. Tonight, D is going to a co-worker's house for a thing, and I'm going on a [terrifying/exhilarating/mostly terrifying] solo adventure involving a life drawing hour at a community center, followed by an open mic night. The last time I went out on a limb like this was extremely disappointing, but I think it'll be different this time. I'm nervous (blah blah I'm an introvert blah) but, at the very least, I'll get some drawing time out of it. (And I haven't done non-photo-based i.e. real Life Drawing since my art class almost 3 years ago, so I'm stoked!!) Word on the street is that trying new things is good. New city, new country, TWO new events, and I won't know a single person there--I should be an expert on leaving my comfort zone by, like, 7pm. Wish me luck?

I'm in bed already. It's 9pm. I'm settling in to read for a while, and it starts pouring down rain. My bedroom is an attic, and the rain falls heavy on the roof. I like it. I'm tucked into flannel sheets with The Brothers Karamazov next to me, and I'm reading by the light of my cell phone because I lack a proper lamp. It works well. I like it. It's dark and I can see the dust floating over the little yellow glow of light and, in this strange cave of mine, where I curl up like a mouse and am safe in my nest, though I am alone I am, for at least this blissful moment, very fond of night.

Above: I am teaching my cat the names of her toys. She is an attentive pupil, though her verbal participation is, frankly, lacking. Hey everybody! Here's some pictures of stuff. Swans live here. They are big. Daniel took this hilarious picture: This portrait is located in the big-box UK craft store by our house. We were confused, but...delighted. Pictures from a walk along the back road to downtown: This frog is enjoying the "finest weed in the Shire," no doubt.   Aaaand we have a very impressive art-wall now!  Sorry for the lack of pictures of Daniel! He is such a camera hog. 

There's no real "reason" for me to blog today, because I have a million things I'm working on and also I'm mentally exhausted by the past few days, but maybe no reason is the best reason! So, let's see what my brainmouth poops out: How do people feel about Modafinil? I am currently treating my assortment of weird sleep problems (including being tired every day from about 1pm to 6pm no matter how many/few hours I sleep) by POWERING THROUGH like the hardcore lady I can occasionally be. I'm still tired, but I pretend like I'm a three year old and just run around every time I'm sleepy. It works alright. The last two days were extremely productive! But today I am really, really tired. Too bad! More running! Hm. I've tried a cocktail of vitamins to help both with my quality of sleep and quality of wakefulness, buuuut my results are pretty non-conclusive. Or maybe my results ARE conclusive, in that they conclude that the vitamins didn't do poo. ...

Writing friends: I've been waiting a long time to write this blog post. I don't have to tell you how much I love Twitter--everybody has heard me yak about its merits--but let me tell you about this dream I have: a dream in which all of my writer friends and mentors are on Twitter, and we form a witty community that is always open to each other and loving to those who follow us. The comics and illustrating community already has this DOWN. They are tight-knit and funny but also extremely thoughtful about, and critical of, the state of their art as a whole. Those I most admire are both honest and warm.* Since the field of (web)comics is new (comparatively), they have the advantage of naturally incorporating things like Twitter into their work and personal lives. We literary writers hail from an older art and therefore we are sometimes slower to adapt and grow. Twitter is not just about posting pictures of your dinner (although, let's be real, if you're eating somethi...