Killian's Blog/Website/Whatever

Still scared to look the Morrigan*  in the face. I can't make myself re-read it, let alone work on another edit. It's a bit unnerving, really. I imagine few professions find people fearing what they have created**. It isn't often that I get to feel like Frankenstein! Neat. So how does one muster up the courage to tackle this sort of thing? I want to finish it. I want it to be something for which I feel some pride. Does courage build over time? Will I look at my computer one day and say Today Is The Day ? Or is it the sort of thing you just force yourself to do one nondescript afternoon, even though it might make you feel forlorn and a bit like puking? Unfortunately, I already know the answers.  It's always something like: "It's different for everyone." Or, even better: "It's different for every story ." If Calvin's dad were here, he'd say this sort of thing builds character . --He's probably right, though admitting that ma...

Growing up, I established my identity in my hair. In the fourth grade, my mom let me chop my sweet, curly mess into a bowl cut. It was the 90's. I was tomboy. And I think "bowl cut" was the only short hair cut I knew about. Probably the worst fashion decision of my life--but a fourth grade hair disaster is way better than a mid-forties nip slip, so I'll count that as a lucky break. Regardless of those horribly awkward years, I've generally kept it short. Pixies, bitch bangs, slanted bobs, haircuts my friends and I gave each other that don't have real names--I loved them all. Like every rule, there have been exceptions. There was that time in late high school/early college, but I spent every minute of that time envying girls with hair shorter than mine (so, basically, these "long hair rebellions" never last long). It really is difficult for me to see people with shorter, sexier hair than mine. Selfish and petty, maybe, but I spent about ten years ...

There is a lot of pressure on authors to mask all of their post-rejection feelings with a sense of humor. I joke about wanting to have enough rejection letters to wallpaper my bathroom because lamenting another rejection in a public forum is poor form. So we all do it. We laugh off the ache. We state, with a hint of sarcasm, that we finished a recent story in perfect time, because we can’t wait to get the next letter that tells us " thank you, but we regret... ". I know other people feel this way when they are rejected, be it from a lit mag, a job, or asking someone out on a date. The outside world expects us to keep the Game Face on, make a funny joke from behind an obviously-broken nose that getting punched in the face doesn’t hurt a bit, dust ourselves off, and pick another fight. And we do. We are resilient. We temper our egos with humility (or is it the other way around?). We fight, and lose, and fight again. But when we finally win -- when  I  finally win-- it will fe...

This is going to be all over the map, probably, but I haven't updated in a while, and I feel bad about that. So this is what you get for making me feel guilty, internet. You get word vomit. Things Running Around In My Brain: Hair styles. I am trying my darndest to grow my hair out, but I can not guarantee I will last much longer. I just love short hair too much. In an attempt to temporarily satiate my new-'do desires, I'm going to dye my hair black tonight. The box is sitting in front of me right now. I'm pretty stoked about it. However, it's CHALLENGE TIME!: If anyone sees a super sweet hair cut they think I should rock, please send it to me. I am willing to do very crazy things to my head, so don't hesitate to suggest something outrageous. My only limit is: mullets. Those are a no-no.  Feminism. I dig modern-day feminism. I think it takes the best parts of lady-championing and does a good job leaving out the misandry. Getting political (even socio-politi...

A surprising number of my friends are self-employed these days. More than that, we're self employed in strange, self-directed fields where the answer to "what can I actually consider to be  work ?" is amorphous, at best. I work on my novel for a couple of hours a day, but that can't be all that I am allowed* to think of as contributing to my authorial betterment. So I've decided that, for my own personal sanity, I should brainstorm the things I do that count as "work." First and foremost, of course, is Writing. Novel writing and short story writing are the top tier, then there are various editing projects**, and I'm also going to include blog writing. Blogs are sort of silly, because I don't think I'm nearly important enough for strangers to read about the things I think about. However I  love reading up on what my friends are doing/thinking about, so this is my way of returning that favor while also giving myself a platform for getting a...