Killian's Blog/Website/Whatever

1. There was a finch panicking in my bedroom. I helped it out of my window. It flew to the ground and became a fox wearing a bird skin. This seems symbolic. Animals are hella symbolic. Could be some sort of spirit thing? Hm. I should contact Jung through my Ouija board, which is a medium known for very intelligible answers. Although Daniel discourages me from using my Ouija board because I am super scared of the Devil and/or Zozo (Even Bustle has a post on Zozo ). Still tempted to do it, though. I own this painting of a woman that I'm about 65% sure is haunted, and I want to ask her if she needs me to resolve her unfinished business. I would also like to ask her name, but in the meantime I'm going to call her something fancy and sad, like Eleanor or Beatrice. 2. There was a wounded bobcat, and no one would help me fix its broken paw. But it let me hold it like a baby and it didn't try to bite me or jump out of my arms, so that made me feel nice even though I was sad. BIBL...

1. About a year ago, now, I developed a wildly new sleep disorder. I didn't know it at the time. I thought it was jet lag. Even if it wasn't the adjustment from GMT to PST, this wasn't the first time I'd needed to sleep a lot: as a veteran depression-haver, my life has been a near-constant vacillation between three-ish week stints of insomnia, then hypersomnia, then insomnia, repeat. So I wasn't worried about it. This, too, shall pass, I thought. Only, it didn't. I went a whole year of needing twelve to fourteen hours of sleep per day. Doctors were unhelpful, tests were unhelpful, and insurance in the US (which has never been "good") is particularly unhelpful when you are suffering from a chronic mystery condition. If it doesn't seem like it will kill you outright, then you can either shell out your life savings to be shuffled around hopelessly, or you can give up and learn to deal with it. It was a difficult year. The official diagnosis was I...

Polish your magnifying glass and dig up your obscure monographs on cigar ash, because PREORDERS ARE OPEN for TUDOR CLOSE: A MYSTERY ANTHOLOGY  This is the second book in the Apiary's collection. We'll have ebooks and print copies available! Preorder for $20 before November 20th to receive a print copy, ebook, and an audio recording of the story of your choice from the collection! Seven authors, seven mysteries. For preorders, contact me @ killian.czuba(at)gmail.com. After preorders close (Nov. 20), the book will be  available for $20 print (+ free ebook), $5 ebook only, $1 per audio download, and $5 for the "audio book." Authors: H.E. Bilinski Tabitha Blankenbiller Leigh Camacho Rourks Stephen Cox Sherri Hoffman Moye Ishimoto Gina Mulligan For more info, podcasts, blog posts, etc, you can visit our website: apiarylife.org  ! We also have a few copies left of the The Egret's Crossing: A Collection of Adventure Stories, so if you're intere...

Today I officially joined Giving What We Can (a long time coming, I know!) and took the pledge to donate at least 10% of my income for the rest of my earning life to eliminating extreme poverty on a global scale. We are all humans, we are all family, and (being a Gryffindor with strong loyalty tendencies) I'd do anything to help my family. If you're interested in evidence-based giving (charity + science!), you should check out the Giving What We Can website , and also check o ut GiveWell for charity evaluations. And if formulae aren't your jam, look at charities like Deworm the World and the Against Malaria Foundation , which save lives (and promote education as a result--you don't miss important days of class if you don't have to deal with malaria) in a super tangible way that will give your heart warm fuzzies. https://www.givingwhatwecan.org http://www.givewell.org/ And here's John Green talking about these feelings in the context of Syria and the r...

The two peer groups I interact with most are:  1. Rationalist Utilitarians (or those who identify generally in one or both of those terms) 2. Existentialists who Do Art This makes my brain a mashed potato of feelings. If forced to pick a Philosophical Camp, I'd definitely identify as an Existentialist, but I've spent a ton of time with (and am married to an) utilitarian(s). They rub off on you. You start to incorporate  effective altruism with your more heart- or passion-motivated giving. You consider your political biases and think "wait, but WHY do I feel this way, and what does the EVIDENCE say?" And then sometimes you change your mind. It's awesome! However, my Existentialist brain promotes thoughts like "TAKE CHANCES, MAKE MISTAKES, GET MESSY!" My existentialist brain says: "You want to live in the woods by the water? Go move to the woods. Go live by the water. Pete did it. Pete is a beautiful writer. Pete is probably sad, because ...

Sources close to me have said that it takes a good nine months to adjust after a big move. Nine months is enough time to make an entire human, so I guess it makes sense that rebirthing yourself would take about as long. The gestation period is, however, frustrating. Lots of barf feelings, and none of the magically clear skin/"glow" you hear about. I had this dream last night that I made friends with a cute bat, and then the bat turned into a person, and the person was mean and terrible. Thanks, subconscious brain. Totally difficult to decipher that. No easy way out, man.