who the heck knows anything, anyway

Thursday, December 9, 2010


Today, I finished college. I'd say that's worthy of a blog post.

It's funny--during my last final (which was actually a writing workshop/portfolio submission hour), things still seemed pretty anticlimactic. Just like every other fall term, you know? Turn things in, say goodbye, run back out into the rainstorm. But NOW I'm feeling it. It doesn't matter that the chances of me going back to school are about 110%--I will never be a little novice undergrad again. Every class I take from here on out, I take as someone with a bona fide* BA. Any other educational opportunities I get to pursue are icing on the cake! Which is insane. I've paid my dues to Everyone's Expectations. ...Now what?

I actually feel a little bit like a grown-up right now. When I drop by my old high school next Friday to give Mr. Joy (The Best High School English Teacher, as well as a top contender for Best Human Being, In General) a hug and show him how well I turned out, I won't just be giving him an update. I'll be able to tell him that I absolutely positively did it. And that makes me pretty freaking proud of myself. There's this idea that lives in my head--and I know I'm not alone in thinking it--about how a Bachelors degree is practically useless now, and blah blah economy blah. But screw you, doubt! I feel like I spent over four years, pushing along in the best Sisyphean tradition, never thinking I would truly make it. But then I did. It's sort of overwhelming.

And now I'm going to move to Seattle! Out of the family house and into a home of my own. My list of priorities is undergoing some pretty drastic rearrangement, trying to figure itself out now that School and Paying For School aren't my top two. In fact, my list of priorities has no idea what to put where. Love is first, probably, and it's tied with Writing. Those two are closely followed by Pursuing Other Things Of A Creative Nature. Maybe Travel should be put on the list? I never got an English degree for practical reasons; now I can't help but feel a little lost because of that. There are plenty of  choices, sure, but why do they all reek of Administrative Assistant? Can't someone read my palm and my cards and my mind and maybe suggest something I would enjoy a little bit?**

Alison (a co-worker of six years, and adopted big sister for just as long) told me she wishes I could be a teenage girl for a while because I never had the chance before. I have no idea what that means. I think that was kind of her point.

And, to think, this blog post was intended to be full of charming/gruesome anecdotes about college. Ooops!

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."   
-Anatole France 

*yeah, that's right! I know Latin now, too! College is a crazy place. 
**I need a job to support my writing habits. You know. Until I make millions on my fiction. ::snort::